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10 Tips For Landing a Ripper Chick
Words by: Anabelle McLean l STE Contributing Editor
Editor's note: Anabelle does well to put up with the Ski The East gang of brosefs so we figured it prime time to give her a chance to vent on behalf a lady-shreds everywhere. She's got some serious FYI's for the dude set. - AK
If you haven’t seen this epic YouTube vid yet, time to crawl out of your igloo and pop open your frozen, dusty laptop. Ahoy, skier chicks! Yes, we ARE hot, so dudes deal with some of the consequences of shredding with the opposite sex. Snow God knows we have put up with theirs.
Let’s face a fact, there are simply and honestly fewer great girl shredders out roaming the hills, thus making for male-dominated ski mobs. You ladies and I both know what it’s like to spend most winter trips as the sole chick in a group. You’re the big fish in a small pond and the dudes think you’re uber hot for being such a gnarly shredder. But that doesn’t stop their huffs and puffs when you plead for a pee break. We put up with their B.S. sans huffs, so why can’t they?
Want to go home with the hotties? Listen up gents.
Reality check time, dudes.
- 1. We tend to forget integral components like goggles or ski socks from time to time, sure, big whoop. But (no pun intended) rupturing, hangover bowel sounds and odors on the road trip up…not exactly a warming complement to our gas station coffee.
- 2. We are not not going point out how freakin’ cute it looks when our outfits match our skis. And no we don’t not own a bottle of nail polish that perfectly matches our helmet. But hey, Dude Newsflash, tall tees don’t make up for the fact that you can’t pull off a Dumont backie.
- 3. “My feet are freeeezing”. That’s right because we use a washing machine to clean our ski socks. Foot goo-soiled socks may add insulation to a dude’s feet, but at the cost of toxifying an entire room by hanging-to-dry the one pair of socks they own on an old ceiling pipe.
- 4. “I have to peeee”. It’s not that our bladders are smaller we just don’t have the convenience factor of well, ya know, painting golden lines in the woods at the drop of a beanie. A speedy jaunt into the lodge isn’t the worst thing in the world—take it as an excuse for a beer break. You know you crave the bubbles.
- 5. Mirrored lenses. I think we are more than even on this subject. We all know what they are really for, and I hope both gender camps take full advantage of these hottie-hunting spyglasses.
- 6. After the tenth tree-ski run and yes, we may start to bitch. Near-death experiences from pine branch cloths-pinning and exposed stump hopping and we are frustrated. Your natural feature jibbing is sick and all, but let’s get out into the open, make some hero turns, and give the lift riders something to turn their heads for.
- 7. We will huck that cliff, but no not that one up THERE! We are here to shred and drip some adrenaline through our veins too, but a trip down the hill in a ski patrol blood bucket isn’t our idea of a high five-worthy huck.
- 8. Squealing happens. Pretty sure Forest Gump said that, yeah? It’s not that we are scared, or need attention…well, maybe a little, but at least we are honest about how we feel thrashing tight lines or getting pitted in bump trenches. A ski bro chest bump is an equally undesirable reaction.
- 9. Our idea of bell-to-bell skiing is a bit relaxed. If it’s 9:01am and we still don’t have that soy latte running through our bones, and we both know it wont magically start falling from the sky (we wish!), we are hitting the lodge for a vente, STAT! It may only be 2:35pm, but our kind of après-ing begins before it gets dark. Guys, if you want to show off your righteous raccoon tan lines, you’re going to need the help of a picnic table, shining rays, and a bubbly beverage.
- 10. We aren’t stopping for a leg and breather break, that rock formation just looks really cool! Yes, we may throw down an epic instagram pic here and there, and at the cost of our fingers turning to ice rods. The worth-it-ness aspect of going home with a couple snapped souvenirs is tame and simple—we aren’t the one’s with Go-Pros strapped to our heads, chests, poles, knees, crotches, backs…
Before you even think about bitching about the shit girls skiers say, remember these comparisons. For every woe you have with us, know that there’s an equally huff-worthy one for you guys too. Remember the rarity of having us hot chicks sharing a chairlift cushion and we will promise not to push you off.